The Borderlands video game franchise is a powerhouse of chaotic energy, blending sci-fi action, dark humor, and fantasy into an ultraviolent cocktail that has captivated fans for years. With its unique visual style, memorable characters, and wildly entertaining gameplay, it’s no surprise that a movie adaptation was announced before the pandemic. As a fan, I was cautiously optimistic. Eli Roth was slated to direct and given his track record of blending dark humor with ultraviolence in films like *Thanksgiving* and *The Green Inferno*, it seemed like a match made in Pandora.
But here we are, after years of waiting, and what we’ve got feels like a series of misfires. So, where do I start?
Misfires in Casting: The Obvious Ones
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: Kevin Hart as Roland. Look, I get that the movie is supposed to have a comedic edge, but casting Hart, whose acting range often feels limited to playing, well, Kevin Hart, was a baffling choice. Roland is a stoic, no-nonsense soldier, not a walking punchline. Hart’s portrayal drains the character of any seriousness, making it hard to take him seriously even in the film’s darker moments.
Then there's Jamie Lee Curtis as Dr. Tannis. I have mad respect for Curtis as an actress, but her casting here just feels... off. Tannis is supposed to be this eccentric, paranoid scientist, and Curtis brings an energy that feels more grandmotherly than quirky. It’s jarring, to say the least. And don’t even get me started on Cate Blanchett as Lilith. She’s got the look down, sure, but the writing (which we’ll dive into later) doesn’t do her any favors. Florian Munteanu as Krieg? He’s fine, I guess, but the character is underused and fundamentally misunderstood. Krieg’s charm in the game comes from his inner monologues where he believes he’s being articulate and profound, but in reality, he’s spewing utter madness. The movie glosses over this, reducing him to just another muscle-bound brute.
And then there’s Edgar Ramirez as Atlas. Bland, boring, and completely forgettable. In a movie filled with over-the-top personalities, he feels like a placeholder character—there to fill space but not to leave any lasting impact.
Did you see it
Yes and I wish I didn't
No and won't
No but I will
The Real Villain: The Writing
But let’s get to the root of the problem: the writing. In an era where video game adaptations are finally starting to get the respect they deserve, *Borderlands* takes a massive step backward. The design? Sure, it’s got that signature Borderlands look, but what’s the point if the storytelling is so utterly lacking? This script feels like it was written by someone who’s never picked up a controller, let alone played through the chaotic world of Pandora.
According to IMDb, the writing credits go to Eli Roth and Craig Mazin. Yes, *the* Craig Mazin, who co-created and wrote HBO’s *The Last of Us*, a masterclass in video game adaptation. So how did we end up with this PG-13, watered-down version of what should have been an R-rated, chaotic, blood-soaked thrill ride? Mazin’s involvement seems like a bad joke, and it’s clear that he wants to distance himself from this disaster as much as possible. Hell, they even tried to cover up his involvement with a fake name on the credits!
This movie was painful to watch. It’s only 90 minutes long, but it feels like an eternity. You ever go to a fast-food joint, see a photo of a burger that looks mouth-wateringly good, only to unwrap it and find a sad, soggy mess? That’s what this movie is—a bland, flavorless, and ultimately disappointing adaptation of something that deserved so much better.
Final Thoughts: Let’s Pretend This Didn’t Happen
The *Borderlands* movie gets an F. There’s no sugar-coating it. This is one of those rare adaptations that’s best left forgotten, like a bad dream you’d rather not remember. If you’re a fan of the games, do yourself a favor—skip this one and go replay the games instead. They’ve got everything this movie doesn’t: a good story, great characters, and that signature Borderlands chaos we all love. Let’s just pretend this cinematic misstep never happened, shall we?
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